


J/C Kinktober 2019 BLOOPERS!

by VenusGiftofDesire (SirenaVoyager)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Definition, Comedy, F/M, Humor, Inflation, Jazz - Freeform, Kinktober 2019, Miracle Paint, Outtakes, Play on words, Puns & Word Play, Scat, Scat Singing, Singing, bloopers, innuendos, j/c - Freeform, song crossover
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-22 04:20:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20868095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirenaVoyager/pseuds/VenusGiftofDesire
Summary: Not all of the kinks are used, but Janeway and Chakotay find a way to make use of what didn't make it to the bedroom.A series of puns, play on words, and alternate definitions of terms based on the kinks from Kinktober 2019 that I don't use in my main submission. Also includes a few from the ones I do use.





	1. Inflation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Killermanatee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Killermanatee/gifts), [BlackVelvet42](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackVelvet42/gifts).

> Star Trek: Voyager and all its characters created by Rick Berman, Michael Piller, and Jeri Taylor. Based upon "Star Trek" created by Gene Roddenberry. Copyright goes to Paramount Studios and CBS Television Distribution.
> 
> A/N: This wacky idea just popped into my head. There were quite a few fetishes that didn't appeal to me at all in a sexual sense (especially ones that are unsanitary), so I decided to do the next-best thing: bad puns and cheeky word play, along with alternate definitions. I also wanted to use a few of the kinks I used in my main Kinktober story, which will be indicated at the start of that chapter.

Up. Down. Puff. Up. Down. Puff. Up. Down. Puff.

Kathryn wipes the trail of sweat off her forehead. She wonders why she volunteered to be the one that inflated all the balloons for the carnival Neelix put together on the holodeck. The only equipment she had been able to find was a primitive balloon pump that requires repetitive physical effort to inflate the balloon. Given how long it takes to get enough air into the balloon, she is amazed at how balloons the size of the Delta Flyer were used for parades in the early 20th Century before the invention of electric pumps.

So far, she has only managed to inflate one balloon, a caricature of Neelix, and now she is working on Chakotay's balloon. Apparently, it was Lieutenant Paris's idea to have balloons that were shaped like miniature versions of the senior officers. She isn't sure if she should be excited or unnerved by what her balloon will look like.

"Oh, nice, Kathryn," Chakotay laughs as he approaches her from behind, "I kinda like the idea of myself getting pumped for you."

"Or rather _by_ me," Kathryn retorts as she turns to face him, "I'm doing all the hard work!"

Chakotay laughs at the sight of his balloon shrinking from her lack of activity. "I guess my mini-me is feeling deflated now that he's taken a good look at me."

Kathryn rolls her eyes, "Well, he was full of hot air, so of course he is."

"He would be if he got to watch you rise and fall for him," he quipped.

She shoots him a playful smirk, "But on the bright side, I can't inflate his ego any more than yours."

"Pfffth!" Chakotay guffaws, "Touché." He then notices the balloon of Neelix. "That one of Neelix looks really weird, to be honest."

Kathryn shrugs her shoulders, "But some days I think a chibi Neelix would be easier to tolerate than the one we've got."

"Chibi?" Chakotay inquiries.

"A Japanese slang term for 'short,'" Janeway informs, "The term was widely used by fans of anime to describe characters drawn in an exaggerated, miniature style in the late 20th and early 21st Century."

Chakotay grins wolfishly, "I bet a chibi Kathryn Janeway would be adorable."

"You would," she playfully sneers with narrowed eyes. "Anyway, I really could use some help here. My arms are already sore and I still have eight balloons to pump."

"I have an idea. Computer," Chakotay calls out, "add an electric balloon pump. 110-120 volts and 680 watts."

A black cubed device materializes right next to Kathryn's foot.

"Oh, of course!" Kathryn does a facepalm before she attaches the tube to the end of the balloon and switches on the pump. "Why didn't I think of that before?"

"Maybe because--never mind!" Chakotay stops himself.

"What were you going to say?" Kathryn demands as she whips around to face him.

"Nothing," Chakotay replies sheepishly.

"You were going to say I didn't think of that because I'm an airhead, weren't you?"

"No!" He flushes at the mock glare she is piercing him with. "Would I ever think of you that way?"

"Uh," she chortles, "yeah, you would!"

"Why?" Chakotay asks with a giggle, his dimples becoming more visible as his grin widens.

"Because last week, you took pleasure over the fact that my still-groggy brain thought that Jenny Delaney having an 'apology' for Crewman Hernandez meant that she was going to apologize for something she did."

Chakotay laughs at the memory. "I was thinking 'who's going to tell you?' I know you're not stupid, that I'm sure of after all these years, but jeez!"

"Of course I knew what that meant," Kathryn protested, "but I hadn't had my coffee yet! You should know by now that I don't think as sharply when my brain is still waking up."

Kathryn and Chakotay get into a brief, light-hearted quarrel, forgetting after a few minutes that the pump is still running and the balloon is the size of a gorilla...and on its way to bursting from the overinflation.

"Uh, Kathryn," he warns as soon as he takes notice, "I'm about to blow."

Kathryn scrunches her face, "Excuse me, Commander? I am not the person you should be telling that to."

"No," Chakotay's tone gains urgency, "I mean I'm about to blow _up, _or rather _my balloon_ is! Behind you!"

Kathryn turns around and her eyes widen in horror. "Oh, damn!" Before she can reach the device, though...

** BAM! **

The balloon explodes with a deafening pop, spooking the command team enough for them to end up on their behinds over the grass.  For at least five seconds, they look at each other bug-eyed, too stunned to say anything.

"Oh, no!" Kathryn cries out once the reality of what just happened sinks in. She scrambles over to the pump and turns it off. "I forgot to set it to automatically shut off once the balloon reached its limit."

"Daaaaamn," Chakotay can't keep the chuckle from escaping his throat, "I was just starting to like him, too."

"You know what this means?" Kathryn exclaims in an exasperated tone that fades into amusement, "I had my coffee this morning and I _still_ wasn't thinking properly! I _told_ you I was an airhead!"  Chakotay rolls his eyes, knowing full well that is not what she had said about herself earlier. 

"But to look on the bright side," she quips, "we now know that any attempt to inflate your ego more than you should is almost guaranteed to blow up in your face."

They both roll on the grass, laughing until their spleens hurt. Kathryn is going to have to sacrifice some of her coffee rations to replicate another Chakotay balloon, but...

Oh, well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The type of electric balloon pump needed for those balloons was a complete guess...I have literally no idea which one would be the right one... :/


	2. Scat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of all the kinks on the list, this one really grosses me out. I mean, the idea of your own solid waste matter being used on yourself or your partner for pleasure, bad smell and all, is just...YUCK! XP Sorry if that's what you're into (and please don't tell me because I don't want to know), but that's how I look at it... 
> 
> If you don't like scat fetishes either, rest assured, there is NONE of that here! I use a completely different definition of the word, which you'll see once you read this. Enjoy!

Upon arriving at her quarters, Chakotay is able to hear an unusual form of singing from the other side of the doors.

"_Shabadaba pappapparappa_

_ Shabadaba taturirappara_

_ Shabadaba papaparapa_

_ Shabadaba pa_"

Chakotay's eyebrows furrow in puzzlement; he doesn't know what kind of song she is singing or what it's even called. He rings the door chime and hears her order the computer to pause the playback of music in the background.

"Come in," Kathryn calls out.

"I got the crew reports you asked for," Chakotay informs as he steps inside, holding out a PADD for her to take.

"Oh," Kathryn sits up from her lounge chair, "thank you." She settles into the backrest, about to read the reports when she notices that Chakotay is still standing next to her. "Is there something else?"

"No, I'm just curious."

"About what?"

"I don't think I've ever heard anyone sing like that before." Chakotay answers as he tugs at his earlobe.

"Oh, you heard that?" Kathryn shrugs sheepishly, "I was practicing my scat singing."

"Scat singing?" Chakotay moves to sit on one end of the sofa, "What's that?"

"It's a type of vocal improvisation where nonsense syllables or wordless sounds are sung with melodies and rhythms to a particular song," Kathryn answered matter-of-factly, "It's most often used in jazz music and gained prominence during the Jazz Age on Earth in the 20th Century."

"Oh, good," Chakotay laughs under his breath. "I've heard one meaning of the 'scat' term be used to refer to... something else in a sexual way." His eyes scrunch tightly as he gets the last two words out.

"Oh, God, ew!" The repulsive image paints itself in Kathryn's mind and she cringes in disgust.

"I know, right?" Chakotay agrees, "I've never been able to understand why people like that sort of thing. I like natural human scents, but not _that_ much!"

"Well, let's stop it right there before it escalates into something else," she warns. "I don't need that picture in my head!"

"Yeah, forget that!" He regains his composure. "Now, when you said scat singing is made of syllables and wordless sounds, did you mean it like vocal choruses and a cappella?"

"Not exactly. It's something more like '_shaba dabba pa da baba bara di ba bop._'" Her low alto adds a rich tone to the melody, impromptu as it is. "Like Ella Fitzgerald in the 1930s. Sounds weird, I know."

"No, I actually find it interesting," Chakotay reassures her. "And that was a good example you gave me."

Kathryn chuckles, "Thanks. Of course it sounds better when sung in a particular tune accompanied by music."

"Like the song you were singing just a few minutes ago?"

"Yes, kind of," Kathryn replies, "but what I was singing is not really what jazz music experts would call a true classic. That song is a Japanese melody from the early 21st Century called 'Miracle Paint.' It's sung by the VOCALOID Hatsune Miku. You know, the girl with the turquoise hair whose voice is in a software used by composers and performs as a hologram in concerts?"

Chakotay nods, "I vaguely remember hearing about her and other characters like her. Doesn't the computer have the option to speak or sing with her voice programmed for recreational use in the holodeck?"

"Yeah, it does," Kathryn affirms, "And in every Federation language on record. Back then, she initially sang in Japanese before English and Chinese voicebanks were added in updates."

As much as she feels like talking about every VOCALOID in the computer's memory banks, she decides that that is a conversation for another time. "Anyway, I was trying to decide what song I should sing at the Jazz-Swing Jamboree taking place at Katrine's bar next week, and I found this in my music library.

Chakotay's face lights up. "Oh, you're going to participate, too?"

"Of course," Kathryn smiles proudly, "this is one recreational activity I'm happy to take part in whenever I can. I can't sing like a siren anymore, but I don't want my improved singing abilities to go to waste. I owe it to the Sea Spirits and to the Sea-Dwellers of Triterra."

"How do you make time to practice?" he asks with a quirked eyebrow.

She shrugs again, "I usually do when I'm off-duty. You just don't get to hear me since I prefer to practice alone, but I use the Doctor's music program most of the time."

"Well, if it's not too much to ask, could you do some of that scat singing for me?" Chakotay asks hesitantly.

Kathryn is a little surprised at his request, but she is flattered that he wants to hear her sing. "Okay, but right now I'm only practicing the syllables. I haven't got the lyrics down pat quite yet."

"That's fine with me."

Kathryn stands to grab a blank PADD from the table and keys in a few commands before handing it to him. "Here, these are the lyrics translated in English so you can understand it." She sits back down on her lounge chair. "Computer, run 'Miracle Paint' with music and verbal lyrics in original language only."

The computer chimes in response. "Playback ready on your mark."

Kathryn takes a deep breath before she begins to sing, the music following her lyrical cues:

"_Shabadaba pappapparappa_

_Shabadaba taturirappara_

_Shabadaba papaparapa_

_Shabadaba pa_

_Shabadira turira parira turira_

_Shabadira turiruri dada diraru_

_Shabadira turira parira pari ra_"

Miku's voice begins singing the lyrics in its original Japanese, which Chakotay can't understand without the universal translator manually set to include recorded material. Thankfully, the lyric page helps him, and he is able to enjoy the song with her. Singing along with the chorus as it plays, Kathryn listens intently for her next cue. When it arrives, she starts again:

"_Turira purira pappaa_

_Riraru rupurira raparupa_

_Raruri rupariraru raparupira_

_Tura turira ruparuparuparupa_

_Piraruura shabadadiira_

_Paarura paririra rurarurarurarura_

_Shaabada turarushabadira_

_Turabadadira diradirada_

_Parirarirarupiraba_

_Piru piruturaturi raturaru_"

An instrumental break...

"_Paruririparapa shabadurirararu_

_Rira rurarurira papapi-ra rura-ra_

_...rurarurariraaaaaa_"

Another pause.

"_Piraru shaabaadabappappapparappa_

_Aaaa_"

"Wow, that's incredible," Chakotay states, "That's another surprising quality you possess." Kathryn can't resist smiling and giggling at his words of praise. Eventually, the first chorus is repeated, which she does as well, before finishing with the final chorus and one last scat sequence.

"S_haabaaturiraa turiraa turara_

_Shabararuppiruraraparuwa_"

Kathryn strikes a sassy pose with her arms in time with the exact moment the song ends, earning an applause from Chakotay.

"Aww, thank you," Kathryn replies sweetly, "I'm flattered, but if you think that was good, wait until I get up on stage next week."

Chakotay smiles endearingly, showing off his signature dimples. "I look forward to it."

"But until then," Kathryn informs with a hint of mischief, "you have a duty shift on the bridge that still has your name on it. Now, go on, scat."

Chakotay can't contain his laughter as he leaves her quarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: You can hear "Miracle Paint" by OSTER Project feat. Hatsune Miku in full here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEnYvYYtjEo and watch the amazing music video from the PS4 game Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA Future Tone here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8HGPRXeFHs&list=PLmdrE90Hi2BQhOLh7O6B0Z7AKX15R7AQG&index=124
> 
> Hatsune Miku is property of Crypton Future Media, Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA Future Tone is property of SEGA and Crytpon Future Media.


End file.
